Message Board

I'm waiting on Script Savvy feedback for my mermaid script that I entered 8/31/10. I'm a bit miffed b/c like to have all the feedback for a script to decide how to revise it, so I've been unavailbel to work on this. I am not, however, upset about the long wait b/c she has kept us informed of what's happening. Hence, I will enter again. The only contest I know for sure I'll enter is Page.

Hi everyone!!!

Hey James!!!

I'm still waiting on my howling mermaid august entry feedback.

I've been waiting on a feedback from August, about which I sent 2 e-mails, and finally realized that I'm not getting the feedback or a refund. Hence, when they sent me an email one day this week, I unsubscribed from them and am done with Script Savvy.

Yeah. When this all went down, they sent out an email saying it had all gone to hell, but send an e-mail and they would send the feedback and give you a free entry. I sent an e-mail. Time passed and nothing happened, so I sent another e-mail. Here I am still waiting. I'm done.

How do I determine the budget? So, I wrote a low budget MOW (yes, I was trying to write a low budget and paid readers have said it's low budget) and would like to quantify that into an actual monetary range.

Thanks, in adavance, for your help.

Thanks, Don. Yes, it is frustrating. I guess the mystery of movie making will remain a mystery. LOL

Matthew

I get why you're so pissed (Script Savvy is still MIA with my August 2010 feedback and/or refund), but announcement dates fluctuate in the contest world, a fact that is known by you when you entered the contest, so they can reasonably argue that the delay is not surprisiing and should have been somewhat anticipated by those entering. Additionally, as readers have lives that might interfere with the timely performance of their reading, the delay could also be explained by something outside of Exposurama's control.

Still, it would be nice if they showed some consideration and send out an email or put something on their site. A cryptic message like "we're experiencing delays and will announce as soon as we can" woukd be better than nothing.

Matthew,

I think at some point, it's reasonbale to say "Keep your stupid contest and give me money back." As for the legal issue, to prevail on a breach of contract cause of action, you have to prove that Exposurama took deliberate action that lead to the breach and that it was their INTENT to breach. Given that you don't really know what the heck is causing the delay and my previous comment on announcement dates fluctuation.....you can see where this is going. I would advise you to keep your fingers crossed for the annuoncement and don't do business with them in the future.

I think it's several of the reason you listed. I further thing that anyone who entered on the deadline should be able to submit a new draft at the extended deadline free of charge.

Based on that facebook exchange, she really doesn't seem to care that she, via her company, have ROBBED and DEFRAUDED people. Hence, I doubt that a BBB complaint will get the desired results, but a a nice process server with some lawsuits might get her attention.

Thanks, Kevin!! I'm really stoked because I recently got the recommend from Barb (she'll be promoting it in her June newslatter) and this is the FIRST and only contest I've entered so far this year.

In addition to those Kevin mentioned, I see Michael Raymond. I also see an Andrew Smith, but I don't know if he's the one who visits this site.

Congrats to those who placed and godd luck to you all!!!

Thanks, Janet!! And no big deal about the name, you'd be surprised how some people have butchered it.

Thanks, June! I love the name too, but cannot take full credit for it, because I chose it after numerous suggestions from many screemwriters on this site.

So, I just started my new screenplay and the first 5 pages takes place in 1520 Spain. Then it jumps to present day. I want to know if there's way to write, with directing, that I want the credits to run between the 1520 and present day as opposed to before the 1520. Thanks in adavnce. Bobbette

Thanks, Matthew. I hope that a directour will be insightful enough to get what I'm doing, but one just never knows. I guess I'll just have to write it and hope for the best.

The thrill is still there for me, but I write because I enjoy writing and I also write poems and lyrics. Do I want to sell a screenplay? Yes. Do I want to see something I've written on the screen? Yes. However, when I write, it's not my goal. I enjoy re-reading my screenplays/poems/lyrics and I love all the characters that come to me, espicially the bad ones, who want me to tell their story. Writing is, has been and always will be a talent, a gift and a pleasure to me. Anything else that happens out of it is just icing.

They announced the semi-finalists and I made it. I am so psyched!!! Congrats to Kevin Truglio, Michael Raymond and all who made it. Best of luck for the finals!!!

Happy,

I didn't use it for the screenplay, but I have used their notes/coverage service. I think the reader did a good job and gave me constructive critisim and ways to improve my script. I think when it comes to notes for a place that has a lot of readers, it all depends on who you get.

Congrats to Julia, Kevin and Philip for making the finals!!! Best of luck in the winners circle.

Congrats to all!!!

Okay boys and girls,

I need a title. Here's the gist of the "A" story: a sleeping vampire wakes up in present time and must make the modern werewolves live by the rules/laws established before he went to sleep in the 1500s.

Needless to say, the current pack leader, who's quite ruthless, have no plans to lives by the rules and the vampire will have to do some major werewolf butt kicking.

The "B" story is a same-sex love story between the vampire and the one werewolf still alive that was turned before he went to sleep.

I'm writing some kind of fantasy/action/romance hybrid thing here and can't come up with a title. It's a low budget MOW script.

Thanks in advance for your help.

Bobbette

Julia, I love those titles!! However, they're for comedies. I will write them in my book of titles and see if a protagonist comes to me with a story that fits one of them.

Ron, thanks for the title suggestion, but it's just not right. I'm feeling the "Supernatural" part, but not so much the "Law" part. I so hate that titles are the hardest thing for me!! The story rolls right out, but good luck with a title.

Thanks for the congrats on th recommend from Barb!! I actually sent it to a production company and they said it had potential, but wanted me to get a recommend from a coverage company that they work with. I'm not sure what to do because, with all the scams out there, I don't know if this is just another scheme to bilk money from aspiring screenwriters.

Julia, you're off the hook!!! LOL

Matt,

Both are solid titles and, yes, I do see what you did there. LOL. I appreciate the suggestions and I'll put them on my list of titles for this script.

Bobbette

Ron,

I did research the company. According to imdb, they've got six projects in development and there are articles in industry publications about works they've optioned. I don't see anything completed, but on the face, it looks like they're on the up and up and trying to make something happen. It's a fairly newly estbalished company, so....you kno whow that goes.

Bobbette

MICHAEL!!! Long time no type, but I guess that's my doing. The board was getting kinda crazy, so I took off for a bit.

I always tell people I can't take the credit for the howling mermaid title. I get so many compliments/laughs on that title. It really was a stroke of your genius!!

That's a funny as heck title!! I wish I were writing a comedy, but comedy's hard, dude!!! I've tried and it takes mad skills to write a great comedy. I suspect what I'm writing can only be played in LOGO. Those B story love scenes/romantic (dirty) talk are wild.

I'm back on the site, lurking mostly, but I'll comment if something peaks my interest. I sent you an email, so read it and hit me up with a "wat up!?!

Bobbette

Hi All!!!

Just dropping you a line to say that I finished the script and tentatively WGA it as Risen. I don't beleive that is the title meant for this, and I thank you all for your suggestions, but I just haven't heard the right title yet. I have asked my readers to let me know if any titles pop into their head as they read and am hopeful the right one will come along, so I copyright it.

Bobbette

Cat- you hit it on the head!! Braveheart did so well b/c it has what men like, the action, and what women like, the love/romance. It's the kind of movie that no one had to be dragged kicking and screaming to see because each person would be satisfied. I think Mel's The Patriot falls into that category too.

Happy - Someone is interested in King Arthur movies and they'll go see it. It's really all about the script. I'm a history fan, so if it looks good, I'll plunk down the price for an early show, get a box of goobers and a small popcorn and happily watch as I munch away.

Amir,

Did they refund your money? I know it's about doing what you paid them to do, but I hope, at least, they rerurned your money.

I have a script that fits but the feedback section on the site isn't helpfuf. Please let me know ASAP as their deadline is tomorow. Thanks in advance. Bobbette.

Ron & Tim - Thanks for getting back to me. I decided not to enter after doing some research and not findng anything that made me think a win, or placemnet, here would go beyound just winning or placing. I'm looking at film festivals and have a couple I think this might do well in.

Tim - My main character is a bisexual vampire and he's involved with a homosexual werewolf, so I don't know if that would interest them storywise. I'm just gonna enter it in film festivals and see what the heck happens.

Thanks again, guys

Bobbette

So, how do you feel about reading my vampire/werewolves screenplay? It's 95 pages and it's pretty much half dialogue/half action. My contact information is visible, so let me know if you're game. Bobbette

Thanks in advance for your reply,

Bobbette

Tim -

Thanks for the retraction. I was contemplating Cinquest, I've only entered Film Festivals this year, and now will not waste my money.

Bobbette

Has anyone entered a screenplay/teleplay in and/or attended this festival? If so, please let me know your experience. Thanks in advance.

Bobbette

You speak the truth, Bryan. I am one from August of last year!!

Brian, I get what you're saying, but I would suggest directing your comments to those who entered the contest after September of last year as dishonest people will always try to take advantage in anyway they can. As I mentioned above, I entered the August 2010 contest and did not get my feedback in September, but got all the emails with the promises. Did I enter again? No. I will not even consider entering this contest again until I get my feedback, which is currently useless, or my money refunded.

If the movie tanks, then everyone dropped the ball (including the person who greenlit a crappie movie), and if it does well, everyone did their part. I see no need for a partioning of blame if a movie tanks as it's not a one-man event. As for Black being overrated, I have no opinions on the subject as I've never seen any of his movies. I can say that based on the articles/previews I've read/seen on J. Edgar, it holds zero interest for me.

Alex,

Shane Black wrote Lethal weapon.

Sadly, what is happening here is the main reason I took my extended leave for the site: people who like to bully, berate and insult if you dare to disagree with with their point of view. Whatever.

James, I agree about the lack of entertainment factor.

Michael, it's not as bad as when I took my vacation from the site, but it starts out innocently enough and then spirals into nastiness with some condescension and meanness thrown in for spite.

I've used Extreme Screenwriting, A Film Writer and Screenplay Mechanic.

Barb at Extreme always understands the story I'm trying to tell and helps me get there, even if I get multiple passes, which I always know why, before a Recommend.

A Film Writer gives good reviews, but she's always sending me in opposite direction of what I'm trying to write. Her comments, if I took them, would make my script fairly unoriginal and generic. Case and point: with my bisexual male vampire with a homosexual werewolf lover, she liked the A story, but wanted me to make the B story a male/female love story.

Screenplay Mechanic...well, he doesn't seem to get the story I'm trying to tell and his reviews always piss me off as it's overly negative. He did say I can write a screenplay, so maybe I'm just not writing the genre he likes. In any case, I used him twice and will not be using him again.

Hence, Extreme and A Film Writer are my go-to reviewers.

I found this movie very entertaining and my fellow movie-goers also found it entertaining as there were cheers and clapping at the end.

I don't think Mickey Rourke was the right casting for the villian, but it was nice to see Stephen Dorff as his movie choices have given me few opportunities to see him acr.

I did not pay for a 3D version as I see it as unnecessary for this movie and wish Hollywood would stop thinking everything needs to be in 3D. I did enjoy the vibrancy of the colours and I think the story is solid, but I doubt it'll win the Oscar.

Final Verdict: I would not hesitate to see it again.

Janet, if I gave my honest opinion, I might start a political debate. Besides, as I live in L.A. county, the majourity of people I see when I go to the movies are hispanics.

I'm also waiting to hear from this contest.

Congrats, Margie!! Best wishes for advancement!!!

So, a friend called me up and asked to take me to the movies at The Grove. Now, I love the water show, Christmas decorations, fake snow and all that jazz, so I'm always up for a trip to The Grove. What can I say about the movie: it wasn't great. It had it's moment (I liked the Michelle Pfeiffer/ Zav Efron storyline best), but it's not a must see movie. So, if you've got two hours to kill and absolutely, positively nothing else under the sun to do, you probably won't curse yourself if you sat through it. However, there's some seriously English Toffee at the market that you could spend that money on. LOL

Darn it! I can't believe I wrote "it's" when I meant "its".

Athena,

I would guess the target audience is men who were children when the The Three Stooges was all the rage and grew up watching them. I don't know anyone who finds The Three Stoges funny or have any interest in seeing the movie. Still, I wish it well at the box office.

I will definiely see Tintin, War Horse and The Darkest Hour. I will defintely NOT see A game of Shasows, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, Ghost Protocol or We Bought a Zoo. I'm still mulling over Hugo, Arthur Christmas and Breaking Dawn, but it's not looking good for them. As to other movies, it depends on compromise between/among friends.

I actually have no feelings about this movie. I sat through 80 minutes and didn't care about what was happening around/to Selene. I guess the lack of Scott Speedman (Michael) took all the heart/emotion from the movie. There's a lot of action, but as far as I'm concerned, the second movie completes the story for the Selene/Michael characters. I wouldn't recommend this movie to anyone, even when it hits the 99 cents bin.

CONGRATS!!! Please keep us posted.

So, I've decided to stop using one of the readers I regularly use for feedback and am looking for a replacement. I'm looking for someone in the $75-$100 range with a week to ten days turnarund and welcome all recommendtaion. Thanks in advance.

Marjory,

I already use Barb and she is the one I'm keeping. I generally send the same acript to two readers, and if their analysis are completely different, I'll get a third. In this case, I have a reader who consistently just doesn't seem to get my script or leaves me questioning their English comprehension skills. The last feedback I received from this reader had me so upset because questions that were clearly in the script were asked and I got the impression that it was read half-assed. Hence, I'm done

Peters Z - This one is for you:

The Hunger Games – Let me start by saying that I have not read the book, so I went in their knowing the gist of the story, but not really having much feeling about the characters. Sadly, I left the movie the same way: not caring about the characters or their plight. I think my main problem with the movie is that you don’t really get a feeling for the characters, like or hate, before they are thrust in the Hunger games. Yeah, the way they make these kids fight each other every year is deplorable, but that’s about the society and you’re suppose to root for characters. Even the few scenes that SHOULD have shown the love between the sisters and make you feel something fell short on the emotion scale. I guess that’s the whole problem with this movie: you don’t feel the emotion they want you to feel. You see the acts they do and understand what emotions those acts should touch in you, but they don’t. It would be one thing if I loved or hated it, but I honestly sat through that movie and left with a “whatever” feeling. Katniss not feeling love for Peeta I understand because she didn’t pay much attention to him before he was selected. Peeta, however, supposedly have loved her desperately for years, so why didn’t I feel his great love for her? Oddly, I found myself watching for the supporting characters, but once the movie got started, they went away and I was left to suffer with the main characters. The Hunger Games could be like Twilight, an okay book, but not even okay movies. Now, for the positives: the set designers and costume designers outdid themselves with this movie!! The world was so vibrant and came alive. Final verdict: I’m sure you won’t be surprised to hear that I can’t recommend spending your hard-earned money on this movie and, if you want to see it, suggest you wait for it to come out on demand and only pay $3.99.

Marjory & Bruce,

I will give RC a try. Thanks bunches.

Lana,

I hear you and will read the book.

Peters Z -

You are most welcomed! I still go to movies a lot, probably too much, but I just stopped writing the reviews.

I wonder if readers know how much money I free up to send their way? LOL

Bobbette

The deadline is tonight and I'm still undecided about entering. And if I do decide yes, which screenply(s).

So, I used AWS on my werewolf/vampire screenplay and was, overall, very sataisfied and took most of the suggestions. The reader did make some comment about my format, but after checking The Screenwriter's Bible, I couldn't verify what was said. Does anyone know if Fade In and Fade Out should be placed after EVERY act in a MOW and The End placed after Fade Out at the end of a script?. Currently, I'm leaving it as it because these sound like personal preferences.

I concur about grouping works and copyrighting them. I put together a bunch of my poems in 1999 and copyrighted them untle the titel Reflections of Me. I was going to do another set and include my song lyrics, but never got around to it. You know, I'm getting nostaglic for my poetry writing. I think I'll go reread a few of them. :)

Peters,

I know about Poets and Writers and have actually had a few poems published and won some certificates. However, ever since I started writing novels (I have the first 30 pages of a historical romance I started on a typerwiter back in high school)and screenpplays, my poetry/lyric writing has been on the back burner. I have a poem pop into my head every so often, when the screenplay characters will let it through, and I write it down. You know, I think I will look at the website and see if anything piques my interest. Thanks for the suggestion!!

So, the deadline is tonight and InfoList sent me a discount that'll allow me to enter for the early bird price. Still, it's senseless to waste $40 if I don't have the type of script they prefer. So, any help/advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.

Bobbette

Contests that annouce a final deadline and then days after it's passed, extend it. This is so aggravating! That is all.

So, must we write a carppy movie to break-in? Because it seems writing a good and entertaining movie is worthless.

Yeah, I know I forgot the "e" on Gripe.

Maryann,

Have you got a good answer? LOL!!

I'm a Whedon fan and nomally go so his movies, but I could tell from the trailers that "decent" was not a place this movie would reach. Oh well, I'll pop in an episode of BTVS and rememebr Joss at one of his best.

Julia,

That's the email that landed in my box that set me off. I worked my behind off to get THREE scripts ready for their deadline and then they do this crap. I have a sneaking suspicion that my StoryPros entering days are at an end. As for Page, I'm won't pay more than Nicholl's price to enter a contest. Hence, if my script isn't ready whenever that price deadline rolls around, then I don't enter the contest.

Maryann,

Once More With Feeling is an awesome episode, but my favourite is Hush: when Riley breaks that box and Buffy lets out that scream, I'm in heaven. I think that epsisode, from start to finish is perfect. The set-ups were great and the pay-off was awesome. And of course, any epiosde with Drusilla is a hoot: she was one crazy funny chiquita.

Well, with the curse Angel is under, he's not really an option, so Spike. Now, if Angel could get busy without losing his soul and going all "I'm gonna kill you for making me love you," I'd take him over Spike everyday.

I don't think starting a list is the solution. I think not entering past their first posted final deadline is what needs to happen. Then, they'll receive no additional fees and will realise they need to stand behind what's originally printed. I mean, if Lucas gave a deadline for a script, I doubt you'd work with him again if you turned it in two weeks late just because you wanted to and can. Bad behaviour must have consequences or there's no reason to stop.

Paul,

I am happy you got that preformatted response, but she didn't really address the point of your complaint. I'm happy that the finalists get to resubmit, but your email was about those who would've liked more time, but submitted to meet what Page published as the dealine. If you really think about it, Page has nothing to lose because as long as they keep extending, writers will keep entering and it's a financial win for them. Speaking only for me, what i do when I disagree with a company's strategy and/or busiess plan is take my business elsewhere. This year, I entered my screenplays mostly in film festivals through withoutabox.

I concur with Alan about thinsg that seem too good to be true. However, I also I don't see anything wrong with skipping the Starbucks hot chocolate for a few days, sending $10 their way and seeing what percolates.

Paul,

I have found over the years that it’s a good idea to decide how much you are willing to pay to enter a contest. For me, it’s around what Nicholls charges because that’s the gold standard of contests. Hence, as my script wasn’t ready when the $50-55 entry deadline rolled around for Page, I did not enter and whatever their prices and/or deadlines were after that was of no importance to me. When I got into this mind set, whatever a contest did after I entered might annoy and/or upset me, but it was not worth complaining about. Now, if your concern is not financial, you can enter the same script at every deadline if you believe it a better version. Personally, I see no reason why writers should have to call in to find out when a final or last or whatever deadline is and think ALL the deadlines should be published at the start of the contest, but my day job is in the legal field so I have a full disclosure mindset. Having said all that, Page is a business whose main objective is to maximise profits and if this strategy gets them the profits they desire, they will continue to utilise it. We, as writers, can either believe Page will get us the connexions/access we need and deal or not enter.

it’s official – Kristen Stewart is on my list of people in movies I refuse to see. I’ve seen her in Catch That Kid, Panic Room, Jumper, In the Land of Women, Zathura, ALL the Twilight movies and Snow White and the Huntsman and have concluded she has one expression and can’t show emotions on the screen. I’m fairly certain she has emotions and probably show them in her everyday life, but when there’s a camera, they cease to exist. After the movie, I encountered a group of about ten people talking about how horrible she is and I, of course, joined the conversation. When I had to go, a girl asked if she could hug me for my comments, and though I do not usually allow random strangers to hug me, I said yes. I now wish I’d gotten their numbers because they seemed like they’d be cool to hang out with on occasions.

Now, to the good stuff:

Chris Hemsworth was very good. He plays the troubled Huntsman who comes around to the good side, not that he was ever fully committed to the bad side, very well. The changes and transforms of his character, as spurred on by the events unfolding around him, were well acted.

Sam Claflin, who I believe was meant to represent the “prince,” didn’t have a role that required much acting range, so I believe he did well with what they gave him and the direction they send his character.

Charlize Theron OWNED this movie!! This woman was beyond great and I loved, LOVED, watching her. She is one of the best evil queens I have ever seen and her emotions just exploded off her face. Her scenes, by far, was the most well-written scenes or possibly she acted so well in them that they seem well-written. Whatever the case, she is the reason to see this movie.

The movie itself has some beautiful things to look at, somewhat like Avatar, but not that great of a story, also like Avatar. However, given that it’s a based on a simple fairy tale, I’m not sure what much else, story-wise, could be done if the writer was trying to keep as close as possible to the story. Hence, pretty set pieces to delight your senses was basically all that could be done.

Overall, a visually stunning movie. If you keep yourself from stabbing your eyes out every time Kristen is on the screen, I give it a solid “B” and think it’s worth a watch.

Paul,

Thanks for the Story Pros shout out and congrats to all who advanced!!

I can see why you'd say it sucked, but for a movie to suck to me (especially a fantasy, which is my genre), everything has to be bad: the dialogue, acting, set pieces, directing and camera action. I've walked out of movies before, but if there is something holding me, like Charlize, I can't justify saying it suck. After all, a movie will succeed if it gets people in the seat AND holds them there. Charlize and the visuals accomplish this. Now, I would recommend seeing a matinee

The Stallone/Olivier comment is freaking hilarious!! And true. However, I think you're doing a disservice to Stallone. Rambo: First Blood was on Spike last night and I watched it. I have watched that movie many times and I'll not be watching a Kristen movie many times.

I'm not sure how I feel about Prometheus. I'm going to see it because I'm a die-hard Sci-Fi/Fantasy girl, but the trailers haven't gotten me excited. Ridley is the only reason I'm giving it a chance.

I first saw the trailer at either Avengers or Safe (I can't recall as I saw them the same day) and laughed hilariously. I didn't give the movie more thought until a friend called me up last night and was said he couldn't wait to hear my opinion of it. I was surprised and asked why he thought I'd go see the movie. His response was that it's my kind of movie. I was stunned. His logic is that I love vampires, I love history (my B.A. is in History) and being black with Lincoln freeing the slaves. I assured him that I have no interest in seeing this movie. This brings me to the point of this post: Who IS the target audience for this movie?

Maryann,

I agree completely about the title: freaking awesome!!

Maryann,

Maybe it'll be so bad that it's good? LOL. Well, I guess your bro-in-law is the target audience!!

I wanted to see this movie because of the hotness that is Benicio del Toro, but found myself intrigued by the other characters because Benicio’s character is fairly one-dimensional and the others are quite interesting. Here we go:

Ben (Aaron Johnson) – He is the most interesting character. He’s a Buddhist who sells drugs to try and save third world countries, but when the woman he loves is kidnapped and his life and the life of the two people he loves most in the world are on the line, he finds and embraces the killer/savage in himself.

Chon (Taylor Kitsch) – He keeps his heart locked in a steel cage, but it is there and belongs equally to both Ophelia and Ben. He has been through some shiot that leaves him with no hesitation to kill you or your wife, but he’ll sacrifice himself for those he loves without a second thought. It is a mess inside this man’s head!!

Ophelia (Blake Lively) – She’s the stereotypical girl who grew up with too many stepfathers and a mother who didn’t care. Hence, she went in search of the love that had always been missing in her life and, strangely, found her one perfect love in the body of two separate men and just went with it.

Dennis (John Travolta) – He is the second most interesting person in this movie. He’s a corrupt DEA agent who still has a shred of belief in the reason he became a DEA agent. When faced with a particular decision, he makes both the corrupt decision and the right decision.

My other reason to see this movie was to see the dynamics in the relationship among Ben, Chon and Ophelia and I was very happily surprised by it. In the midst of violence and chaos, I found a real love story. Ben, Chon and Ophelia are 3 three people who each found the types of loves they are looking for in two different people. Ophelia finds the lover who’d die for her in Ben and the lover who’d kill for her in Chon. She says in the movie that, to her, they are one complete person and she’s right. The relationshp bertween these two men are, by far, the most interesting thing in the movie. They are the flip sides of the same coin and complete each other. Ben, being a Buddhist, isn’t about killing and savagery, but he knows it’s sometimes required and is completed as a person with the savagery in Chon. Chon, having seen the horrors of war, is forever haunted and unable to find peace within himself, but he is completed by the peace that is within Ben.

Now, to the story:

It’s not overly complicated, which works, and very violent. I don’t think the violence was unnecessary as I believe the writer was being true to how Mexican drug cartels operate. There were, however, a few scenes I would’ve liked to see. For example, there’s a scene towards the end where Ben say to Chon “Have I told you that I love you?” and Chon replies, “Yes, last night.” I would’ve liked to have seen under what circumstances that was said and Chon’s reactions. Chon’s a steely guy, so it would’ve been nice to see if he blew it off, responded with some emotion or responded robotically. I mean, I think it’s fairly obvious that these two men unconditionally love and trust each other to share a woman and an illegal business, so it’s a pretty big deal that the depth of their love was finally verbalized.

Final Analysis: I can’t truthfully say it’s a must see, but it’s a wild movie and I was thoroughly entertained. I say a B- to a C+.

Howard -

It didn't really have a dream ending. The first ending was how she imagined/hoped it had happened, which shows she is seriously messed in her head, and then she told you how it really happened. Personally, I was glad it didn't happen how she imagined it because I was rooting for the threesome.

I have yet to find better coverage for under $100 than Barb Doyon at www.xtremescreenwriting.com. I think the set-up of her feedback helps immensely with rewrites. It hones in on what you need to work on and she gives you suggestions.

I also just completely a sci-fi with feedback from www.awardwinningscreenwriters.com. I liked the reader's approach and I think he/she went went further than $49 should get you in the suggestion department.

I have to concur about Happy Writers. I sent them a script and wasn't impressed with the feedback. The conversation on the phone is a nice touch, but I didn't get much help on the direction to take my script to make it better. Mostly fluff.

So, I have this script that received a recommend from two of my three script consulants, a consider from the third and placed in contests. I, for reasons still unknown to me, decied to send it to a reader I've never used before. Well, I got the feedback and it wasn't like because...are you ready...it's too much like James Cameron's Avatar. WTH? You tell me you dont like my script, but compare it to a blockbuster. Are they trying to encourage or discourage me?I have chosen to consider my money wasted because, like another script consultant I tried once, there was no suggestion as to how to make it less like Avatar. OMG, did I just say that?! Thoughts?

SD,

I have considered all your suggestions, but I just don't know if it's worth it if I get over being upset and rationally consider all the facts. Granted, I think the reader is crazy for disliking the reasone he gave, but "[t]he love story plus the alien creatures is entirely reminiscent of AVATAR." is really a compliment and I should be encouraged to keep writing like Cameron.

Paula,

You blew my mind!! I literally heard it snap from trying to think who wouldn't like Avatar. LOL!!

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Thank you all for your comments. I now have things more in perspective because I really was confused about this feedback.

T.J.

I need Cameron or Lucas to make this trilogy because I doubt any producer will tke a risk on a big budget sci-fi from an unknown. Still, I'll send out some queries and then listen to the crickets chirp from the silence.