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The thriller is finally ready to be marketed as of today.
What a job. What a relief. Umpteen revisions by the writer and none by the potential buyers.
Got a possible "oops!" in the 105 page script.
In a couple of places I wrote
as he scoops up the universe and throws it into a black hole.
The ON LUCIFER is at the bottom of the page with "as he scoops ..." on the next page.
I know we don't split up the dialogue. What about the description?
Word tips are appreciated.
"ON LUCIFER" ????
What's that? A camera shot description?
Did someone ask you to do that, or do we need to discuss the issue of the writer taking such liberties?
If your script is brilliant, people might not quibble about the formatting, but since you asked...
In the example you've given, it's more common for the slugline (ON LUCIFER) and the description that follows to be on the same page. It might not be a big deal, but if it were my script, I'd fix it.
Disguise the fact that it's a camera direction by going:
scoops up the universe and blah blah blah...
Format it like a slugline and have at least one line of narrative with it before a page break.
What you're doing is a combo: Focus On/Mini-Slugline. Delete the "On," as it's not necessary & will get you into hot H2O. If you think of it as a slug/close-up shot/slugline, you'll realize that the actual description must be kept with it.
does what? (huh? Who?) The reader will have to flip back to the previous page, just to check, or they'll get pissed off that you've left them hanging mid-sentence. Neither events you want.
I work in a template I've developed for Word (on Mac now, but ported over from DOS years ago). I've designed my template so that certain elements or styles are always kept together & never split between page breaks. Character Name & the their dialogue, as you mentioned. Slugline and the description stanza which follows is another.
Realistically, you're looking at moving one word/line from the bottom of one page to the top of the next, but I would definitely say it's worth doing in every case.
Yeah, keep them together. If only so you won't wonder if you should have.
Lucifer scoops up the universe.
As a line of action, it tells the story without trying to direct it. The director may choose to focus on the universe being scooped up, or on Lucifer's hand (or scoop), or on God or some angel watching in horror.
Directing via format is still directing, is readily recognized by industry readers, and is considered amateurish. Our job is to tell the story. The director's job is to show it.
Just a thought. Do what works best for you and is consistent with your style throughout the script.
Thanks a million. Your suggestions were much needed and very welcome.
My thriller script is ready for the market, after I change from ON LUCIFER to LUCIFER (not in my story) and eliminate the disconnection between the slug line and the description on the next page. Keep it together to maintain a consistent style.
I keep revising the logline in the ten query letters being mailed today.
I need a psychic to tell me when the logline is commercially perfect.
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