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I can remember being a young lad when "Mannequin" hit the theatres. And I remember REALLY wanting to see it. I got up early, mowed the lawn, washed the dog, took the cat for a walk(seriously, it was blind), then headed down to our local movie house to catch the afternoon show. I honestly did enjoy it. I've never forgotten the theme song either.

Now I know Ellum was having fun about the film not winning an Oscar, but maybe it, or others like it, should have.

Allow me to explain--sort of...

EXT. PARKING LOT -- DUSK

The whine of a high performance engine can be heard approaching in a heck of a hurry.

A PORSCHE BOXTER

whips around a corner and then slows, slithering like a panther into the parking lot of

BLOCKBUSTER VIDEO

The Porsche crawls to a stop in a parking space. Several lookie loos drool with envy.

IN THE CAR

sit JAMES and a BEAUTIFUL BLONDE. No, wait--did I say beautiful? I meant drop dead gorgeous. This woman is a living fantasy in high heals.

The two lovers kiss passionately, melting the stares of those in the area.

James and the blond part lips, exit the vehicle and amble toward the video store.

INT. BLOCKBUSTER VIDEO -- DUSK

James beelines for the DRAMA section. The blonde hesitates, sighs, then reluctantly follows.

DRAMA SECTION

James scans the sea of DVDs. The blonde steps up beside him, picking at her nails.

JAMES What do you wanna see?

BLONDE Does it matter?

Ouch, that hurt. James turns to her--

JAMES Come on, baby. Don't be like that.

BLONDE You always want to see these stupid 'serious' movies. Why can't we get something funny for a change?

JAMES What are you talking about? We just watched 'Seven' last week.

She stares daggers at him.

JAMES What?

BLONDE You think just because you sold one lousy script, you know more about movies then everyone else?

Uh oh. Is it suddenly hot in here?

JAMES Uh--

BLONDE Listen up... (adjusts her bra) ...I'm picking the movie tonight, and you're not going to give me any crap about how it didn't win any dumb awards? Okay? Got it, mister?

James looks to the floor, nodding like a good boy.

BLONDE And if you're so 'industry savvy,' explain to me why no comedies ever win Oscars, but a comedian always hosts the show? Huh, smarty pants?

James fumbles for words.

BLONDE Cat got your tongue?

The blonde bolts, shaking her head in disgust.

COMEDY SECTION

James pulls up behind her, snuggling tight, sucking up. She pays him no mind as she eyes the films under "L."

JAMES I'm thorry.

BLONDE Help me find that one about that ditsy girl that goes to Harvard.

James closes his eyes and buries his face into the blonde's hair. It's gonna be a long night.

INT. POSH HOUSE -- 2 1/2 HOURS LATER

James and the blonde are on a sofa, laughing their heads off. The film has just ended.

JAMES (wiping tears) And the part where the dog popped up and scared the prosecutor.

BLONDE Yeah, oh my God.

Another burst of laughter.

JAMES (calming) Oh, man. That was so funny.

BLONDE The whole thing was funny.

JAMES Totally formula, though.

Her smile drops.

JAMES No no, don't get me wrong. I really did like it.

BLONDE Enjoy the couch tonight.

She stands. An arm reaches up, yanks her back.

JAMES Wait. I wasn't finished.

A cold hard stare lands on him. I wouldn't want to be this guy. Uh...never mind.

JAMES What I wanted to say was...you were right. This was a great movie. That actress--

BLONDE Reese Witherspoon.

JAMES Yeah, her. She was fantastic. I would say she was deserving of an Oscar nomination.

BLONDE You really think so?

JAMES Definitely. She was brilliant. Comedy is harder to do than drama in a lot of ways. (beat) I'm going to write a letter to the academy. It's just not right.

The blonde launches a gorgeous, lascivious smile.

BLONDE Later.

JAMES Giddy up.

They slip out of the room, hand in hand.



What was my point to all that rambling?

You decide, friend. You decide.

Take it easy out there. Life isn't always so, well, life and death.

And for those "serious" critics, comedy is hard. Even what has been referred to as "fluff."

James

The BLOND didn't have a name. Was she your fantasy? Just curious.

A fantasy, you ask?

Well, she's real in my head. Does that count?

only in base ten.