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Messages posted since 06/04/2014
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Topic: Help with logline

Author: Sun Tze Yun Posted: 07/18/08 11:18 AM

I'm trying to nail the title for a love story that I have written.

Logline: A prosecutor has to choose between his ego and the woman whom he loves but winds up having more arguments with her. Just when he thought he has lost her love, he's framed for a murder. Can he get her to find evidence that will clear his name?

I have come up with ''Vanity or Love?'' and ''Pride or Love?'' They bring out the theme of the story. Which is better? Any suggestions on better titles?

I'm trying to market it as a love story.

Thanks.

Chris

Author: Nathan Goldman Posted: 07/18/08 11:27 AM

How about something like ARGUMENT FOR THE DEFENSE?

I have trouble with the logline. It's not clear from the logline why she should be able to obtain evidence in his defense? Is she a private investigator, a reporter, a police officer? Or is the evidence available through her own private information or contacts?

Author: Sun Tze Yun Posted: 07/18/08 11:39 AM

Dear Nathan:

Thank you for your suggestion. "Argument for the defense" sounds legalistic, which would be fine and dandy if I were to market it as a courtroom drama.

I have a studio executive who left the door open for me to query him with a serious love story.

The central question or theme or internal conflict: will the assistand DA choose his ego or the love of his life, and only then can he tackle the problem head-on in achieving his goal -- to get himself off the hook and win her heart.

The girl is a social worker. The culprit is a man who's attracted to her and frame the assistant DA to get rid of him as he is standing in the way.

Sun

Author: Gene Langlais III Posted: 07/18/08 11:54 AM

ARGUMENT FOR THE DEFENSE -- what an awesome title!

Sun, if the drama in the relationship involves the arguments between the two lovers, this title has a great double-meaning.

Who exactly is the protagonist in this story? It sounds like the lawyer is the one who needs to change, but she's the one who performs the action.

Also, why does he love her? Why does she love him?

--Gene

Author: Sun Tze Yun Posted: 07/18/08 12:15 PM

Gene:

Oh, I just realize it's double meaning.

The prosecutor is the protagonist. He needs to arc and has arced in the end.

The girl is his ex-girlfriend. He broke up with her several years ago when he went to study Law in Harvard and wanted her to come along but all she wanted was to study in UCLA.

Now, he's back to LA and has found a job as a proseuctor, he's trying to patch up with her. But there are a lot of obstacles -- she's skeptical. To make things worse, they have an argument over a teen who is charged with causing grevious bodily harm on another teen because as a social worker, she recommends for the teen to be released on probation. This angers him -- he feels that the teen should do some jail time as a deterrence because such crimes have multiplied.(re: Columbine, Georgia, etc high school incidents.)

What ensues is a romantic cat-and-mouse-chase, where he's trying to patch up but a tycoon daughter's all out to win his heart, the teen is trying to hit on the social worker and her colleague is attracted to her.

He's framed for the murder of the tycoon daughter and remanded pending trial. That's why he needs the lover to obtain the evidence.

Sun

Author: John Arends Posted: 07/18/08 12:54 PM

Sun -

Forgive the following blur of ideas for titles. I plead insanity -- solving the title puzzle for someone else's script, instead of my own, as-yet-unnamed tomes, is something I can't resist:

Shattered

Shattered Hearts

Fallen Hearts

Desire under the Docket ;-)

Trials of the Heart

Heart's Justice

Just Hearts

Heart's Honor

On the Brink

Personal Justice

Involuntary Desire

Wrongful Desire

Wrongful Hearts

Collusion

Justifiable Acts

Allegedly in Love

Breach of Trust

Breach of Honor

Bad Faith

Burden of Proof

Duress

Heart's Duress

Consenting Hearts

The Lovely Murders

On all of the above, absolutely postivitly no as in nada due diligence has been performed. In short, many may already be taking up title bytes on IMDb.

Author: John Arends Posted: 07/18/08 12:56 PM

And many more of the above have no right to be considered as titles...on account of lameness, your honor...

Author: Sun Tze Yun Posted: 07/18/08 01:03 PM

Dear John:

Thank you for your suggestions.

Someone on DD has suggested a title that I like very much and am adopting.

Pride Without Prejudice

This fits the love genre and my storyline. On top of it, it bears semblance to the classic "Pride and Prejudice" and I think will make most people woould like to go see it, if it ever becomes a movie.

Sun

Author: John Arends Posted: 07/18/08 01:20 PM

Oh, man! And I was just getting warmed up.

Okay, then. I call dibs on all the rest...especially the lame ones!

Best of luck to you, Sun! ;-)

John

Author: Martin Stack Posted: 07/18/08 01:25 PM

Sun - I like "Argument for the Defense" as a working title.

Here's my idea for a logline.

"When a prosecutor is jailed on suspicion of murder, he must convince his estranged ex to find evidence that will clear his name."

Author: Julia Kubik Posted: 07/18/08 01:57 PM

John: Now I don't feel so bad about the title I suggested for your Jack of Hearts :) Julie

Sun: I like Pride Without Prejudice too.

Author: Gene Langlais III Posted: 07/18/08 02:08 PM

"Pride Without Prejudice" sounds like a movie about bigotry or race relations. There's nothing about it that suggests romance.

Author: John Arends Posted: 07/18/08 02:18 PM

I forgot to thank you for your suggestion, Julie. Sorry about that!

Yep, the ol' 1-3 word title master challenge is a tough one to get right. It's a mixed emotional and rational soup of confounding questions: "Will I know it when I see and hear it?" tossed in with "What'll it look like on the one sheet?" complicated by "These 13 other movies with the same title here on IMDb...has it been long enough since they came and went...and are the 1980s really ancient history?"

Plus, each answer to every one of those questions is soooo subjective...

That said, it's also obviously worth getting right, and can be fun...for a while.

Back to the garret. Thanks again, Julie!

Author: Jean Hunter Posted: 07/18/08 05:36 PM

Two thumbs up for "Argument for the Defense" and Martin's logline and everything Gene said. :)

Also, John, I really like your original working title on your new script ("Shepherd's Moon") If you're disowning it, I just might claim it! :)

Author: janet hogate Posted: 07/18/08 11:19 PM

Nathan is really good isn't he. "Arguments for the Defense" is by far the best.

Please don't don't butcher Jane Austin's title once again. It's been done enough and from what how you described your story it really doesn't fit at all.

I think theres plenty of ways to incorperate romance into the legal system . "Defenseless Heart" etc etc. Just please leave my most favorite love story of all, alone. Thank you

Author: Orlanda Szabo Posted: 07/19/08 05:31 AM

Sun from whay you've added, your story sounds like ESTRANGED JUSTICE to me.

I'm out-to-lunch on the logline right now.

:-) Orlanda

Author: Sun Tze Yun Posted: 07/19/08 12:19 PM

Someone has helped me nailed the logline, which shows the essence of my storyline and maintains the love element.

When a tough prosecutor's social worker girlfriend recommends probation for a violent teen, it nearly destroys their relationship. But when the prosecutor is framed for a murder the boy may have committed, she risks her life to help her man clear his name and bring the real killer to justice.

Sun

Author: Sun Tze Yun Posted: 07/19/08 12:57 PM

On second thoughts, the above logline has the girlfriend as the protagonist, which is not the case.

It's easy to come up with logline that features the courtroom drama angle. What I'm trying to do is to write it from the angle of a love story.

Here is my stab at it again:

Angry at her social worker girlfriend for recommending probation for a violent teen, an arrogant prosecutor nearly destroys his relationship with her. When he's framed for a murder the boy may have committed, the prosecutor fights the case with sheer wits, and with the help of his embittered ex who finds the real killer, he gets himself off the hook and patches up with her.

What do you think? Any tweaking?

Sun

Author: Jean Hunter Posted: 07/19/08 12:59 PM

I still like Martin's logline -- it's clean and tight and gets to the point of the story in my opinion. Maybe you could embelish it to include something about the love story, but be careful about being too wordy.

Good luck, Sun. :)

Author: Sun Tze Yun Posted: 07/19/08 01:08 PM

Dear Jean:

Thanks for your suggestion. you're right.

Here it goes my stab at it again:

Just when he thought he has lost her love, an egoistic prosecutor is framed for a murder, and must convince his estranged ex to find evidence that will clear his name.

What do you think of it?

Sun

Author: Jean Hunter Posted: 07/19/08 01:15 PM

Much much better! Get in and out just like writing scenes.

One minor note that I'm not sure even matters -- should you put "ex-girlfriend" in the logline? Or just leave as "ex" ?

Very good job, Sun! Reads and flows much smoother while still conveying the story. Hooked me as a story I would want to read. :)

Author: Sun Tze Yun Posted: 07/19/08 01:20 PM

Dear Jean:

Thank you for your comments. An "ex-girlfriend" is fine with me. It counts as one word.

Sun

Author: Jean Hunter Posted: 07/19/08 01:24 PM

Keep us posted how things proceed with the executive, Sun. Gives us all a shot in the arm hearing success stories (and/or at least landing reads!)

Author: Sun Tze Yun Posted: 07/19/08 01:30 PM

Dear Jean:

I'm in my final rewrite of the script. When I'm done, I will shoot the executive an e-mail. I'll keep you wonderful guys and gals posted of any development.

Thanks.

Sun

Author: N.J. Reese Posted: 07/19/08 01:57 PM

Here's what popped into my mind...

"A Question of Love"

Author: Ron Brassfield Posted: 07/23/08 10:31 PM

Nathan nailed the title. Martin nailed the logline. Rework the *story* to fit the pro-level material they have provided.