*****The Red List, #8 Thriller Feature as of March 2023******
*****Semifinalist in the 2023 WeScreenplay Feature contest*****
****Finalist in the 2022 Story Pros International Screenplay Contest****
****Coverfly badge of - Top 6% of discoverable projects.*******
****Top 19% on MovieBytes (167 out of 889)*******
**********************The REVIEWS are in on The AWNING*********************
"Concept: Top 4%, Plot: Top 4%, Overall Impression: Top 4%: The story does a good job crafting and connecting the different characters and their role in deaths, trafficking of missing women, and the Asian turf war... The story does a great job of creating a slow burn leading to the reveal that each character had a part... The Awning is a nicely written story that presents a slow-burn thriller and addresses the importance of community and fighting for what is right. The amount of corruption and illegal activity that everyone was connected to knowingly and unknowingly was well crafted. Zeng and the different umbrellas were a nice touch in the story and the different meanings hit. The story had a lot of twists and turns..."
**********
"So let me start by saying that this is an incredibly strong script. Your writing is excellent, as I knew from the first page, “this person can write and I’m in good hands.” So thank you for that – this was a joy to read.... The premise here falls under the tradition of AND THEN THERE WERE NONE style stories where those who have done wrong are gathered together to pay for their sins, playing in the same sandbox of interconnected thrillers like IDENTITY or DEVIL. In this case, the focus is on the exploitation of Chinese-Americans, which is a unique and fresh angle to approach this type of thriller... The interconnectedness worked quite well – As you do a wonderful job at slowly peeling back the onion of how these characters are connected, the sins they’ve covered up (or perpetrated) in their past, and how they’re tied to exploitation in Chinatown... You’re balancing a LOT of characters here, yet you did an excellent job of making the voices incredibly individualistic and unique. Everyone had a unique voice and I was (surprisingly) able to track who was speaking at a given moment. That’s quite hard to do with a character list this long, so great job there... Additionally, this is a hyper-claustrophobic movie, as much of the action takes place under a single awning – yet things the plot never felt stagnant or slow (a common issue with these single-location thrillers), as you did a great job of pushing the plot forward, employing a ticking clock on our characters, and writing snappy enough dialogue to carry what would need to be a dialogue-heavy piece... With lines like, “You really want to play Norma Rae for the human trafficking movement this fine Tuesday morning?” you’re able to keep the reader engaged and flipping the page to see what’s next... This script is incredibly strong... Thank you so much for the incredible read -- This was genuinely one of my favorite scripts I've read on here in the past three months.... a really killer script!"
********
"I have reviewed numerous screenplays. Although I always state my opinion as nicely as possible, I don't exaggerate praise. Therefore, when I say something within your screenplay was well done, I mean it. Your screenplay, particularly the escalating suspense, was very well done and one of the best I have read. I wanted to continue reading your screenplay because I wanted to see the plot unfold.
OPENING: I'm a big believer in an opening scene that grabs my attention. Your opening did grab my attention. I started to feel the suspense when the Work boot Man was shown to have a cap obscuring his face. My suspense increased as he opened the cargo van and the wires attached to the metal barrels were revealed. Therefore, after your opening scene, I was interested in reading more of your screenplay.
DESCRIPTIONS / ACTION: Your description lines and action lines were very well done. They were very visual. They were also tightly written. I liked the transition on page 6 when Damon's play bulldozer sounds morph into sounds of bulldozers in the next scene.
STRUCTURE: ACT 1 was nicely paced. I was never bored. The action never seemed to drag... I liked the way you introduced all the characters in real time before they all find themselves together under the Awning. Most writers would have introduced them via flashbacks. Nice suspense throughout the screenplay. Suspense was peaked when Moe found the skull. Also, the constant reveals about Zheng were suspenseful. Examples - Zheng wasn't wet. His umbrellas changed from cheap to expensive. ACT 2 was well done. The plot constantly advanced with escalating suspenseful scenes. At this point, I was invested in most of the characters. I liked most of them and wanted them to succeed. The one exception was Lundquist. I disliked him and wanted to see him fail. I was up in the air regarding Zheng. I didn't like him or dislike him. I just enjoyed the suspense of his character and how he figured into the chain of events... There was a nice balance of action and dialogue. ACT 3... I really liked the way you connected all the people, even Chuck, to each other and the goal. This isn't always done. Great job. The ending was well done. The funeral was emotional. And, at the same time, the storm about to happen tied everything together while hinting something unexpected would again occur.
CHARACTERIZATION For the most part all the characters were well drawn through action and/or dialogue. I liked Moe. I was invested in him. I wanted to see him succeed. Therefore, I wasn't happy when he was injured after escaping the awning... I liked Damon. I was invested in him. I wanted to see him succeed. When he escaped with Samantha, I wanted him to live and return to his son... my feelings for (Samantha) and my investment in her were a roller coaster ride... Zheng was a mystery. I wanted to know the mystery surrounding him...
DIALOGUE: The dialogue was well done. The dialogue seemed natural and unique to each character. Zheng's dialogue was especially well done. The dialogue either advanced the plot or enhanced characterization... Thanks for giving me the opportunity to review your screenplay. It was interesting and enjoyable. Good Luck."
***********
“This is very well written... a modern morality play about greed and envy and pride... I like the pacing and I have no real complaints... your story was very intense and had me really wanting to learn more. I love the first and second acts the most. The mystery of the umbrellas and the old man. The mystery and lore of the Chinese symbols. I really just loved all of that stuff and it really made a simple plot and setting turn into a very exciting adventure movie.
The third act was strong... I like the general themes... the audience would be left feeling good and satisfied with the ending. I think this is a heroic morality tale, maybe based on some older Chinese proverbs or myths. It is not unlike other cultures either, which is why a story like this would have a wide appeal.
I really enjoy the style you implement in your pacing and dialogue. It is easily read, and I love the pictures you paint inside my brain. It is really a great script and I hope you find someone to turn this into something.”
**************
"This script utilizes a concept that creates intrigue and suspense through its underlying narrative. It is also able to draw on the curiosity of the audience through the interactions between the main characters. This curiosity is heightened due to the fact that when they first become trapped, we do not know why these characters have all been drawn together. However, as more information is slowly revealed and their connections are highlighted, it is enough to keep the audience engaged. In addition, by utilizing the idea of isolation, as the characters cannot escape, there is a great feeling of an impending threat to them, which allows tension to be built. The narrative also has some deeper underlying themes within the plot which is able to bring some important issues to light. These are also the times of the strong woman and having more than one that is able to drive the story forward and also fight and grow at the same time is a big plus. Lastly, the action sequences flow well and as the violence is not glorified it will open up the narrative to a different kind of audience who will want to watch for the characters and story as well as the action that takes place.
The plot is interesting and has enough intrigue to keep the audience guessing. The locations are also well-developed which helps the audience to create imagery within their minds....
The Awning is an imaginative concept that has a lot of promise and could find its own voice within its chosen genre... There is also a good build within the script, and we are able to follow along as the action evolves and see when things begin to take a turn."
*************************************************************************************************
BREFNI O'ROURKE is a New York based screenwriter actively marketing all of his materials for possible sale or option. He is the author of more than 50 original feature-length spec screenplays, primarily within the action, suspense-thriller, and horror genres. The "cinematic Brefniverse" includes:
"The Awning", a supernatural thriller, was a quarterfinalist in the 2023 WeScreenplay Feature contests. It was named a finalist in the 2022 Story Pros International Screenplay Contest and has been awarded a Coverfly badge of - Top 6% of discoverable projects. In March of 2023 it made the Red List as the # 8 ranked thriller screenplay.
"Wake", a psychological thriller, was recognized as a semifinalist in the 2022 Creative World Awards. It was recognized as a quarterfinalist in the Final Draft/Big Break Contest (top 10% of entries) and the American Zoetrope contest. It has been awarded a Coverfly badge of being among the top 22% of discoverable projects.
"Descendancy", an action-thriller, was recognized as a Quarterfinalist in the Script Lab - TSL Free Screenplay Contest 2022 and has been awarded a Coverfly badge of - Top 18% of discoverable projects.
"Moving Day", a supernatural thriller, was recognized as a quarterfinalist in the 2015 Final Draft/Big Break Contest. It has been awarded a Coverfly badge of being among the top 34% of discoverable projects.
"Panopticon", an action-thriller, was selected as a "Notable Project" by Amazon Studios (one of only 50 projects recognized as such).
"God's Work", a supernatural action thriller was optioned by The Ferla Consulting Group.
"Threshold", a horror-thriller (cowritten with Elizabeth Rowin and Greg DeRochie) was optioned by Contribution Films. (http://www.contributionfilms.com/threshold.html).
Show Less
