*********************The REVIEWS are in on OUT OF BODY**********************
"The concept for OUT OF BODY is unique. I read a lot of heist scripts and watch a lot of heist movies and I have never come across a heist film where the protagonist is having an out of body experience. So, kudos to the writer for coming up with a very fresh take on a genre that has been around for a hundred years or more. The concept works well and when there is a generational element to it, it makes it stronger, bringing Trent and Cal back into contact and eventually there are a few tenders moments....
The idea of using chess pieces for the characters is also a fresh take on the heist gang members and makes them more memorable. This was a nice touch.
The plot is set up quickly and then brief intro sequence of the tragedy affecting the family is handled in a fast-paced manner. From there the plot quickly gets into main narrative of the heist, which again makes the read relatively fast and easy to follow.
It was a nice touch to have the brother as a reality TV showman who can actually make contact with Trent. This could be developed further at the beginning as it would provide a lighthearted break in events before they get dark when the heist goes wrong, and people start to die.
The writer has done a nice job with the use of astral planes and their knowledge of this subject matter comes across in the narrative.
Dialogue is generally good, there are nice interactions between the main characters and some of the exposition needs to explain the mechanics of the police, FBI and SWAT team protocols come across as authentic and believable. Themes of greed, retribution and sacrifice are also handled well...
Thanks for letting me read this. I haven't come across a unique take on the heist genre like this before.”
“There's a lot to like in the script... IMAGERY: Cool opening image... this script does some sophisticated and interesting things with imagery... where Trent is floating through the helicopter... a really nice sequence. A total change of pace from a routine bank robbery. Depending on the direction, I could see it being madcap, or serene...there's even a religious element here, Trent ascending into Heaven. It's very cool... COOL STUFF: Even though I had some issues with Wraith and the gang, once they start kicking ass, snatching cops' firearms, swallowing souls and what-not, it's very cool. The pan-religious elements are interesting too—chakras, ankhs, Christian symbols.... WRITING STYLE: minimalist and confident. I give notes on 3-5 scripts a week and it's refreshing to see that. Character introductions don't have all those "voicey," unfilmable descriptions that are so en vogue these days, which is also refreshing. CREDIBILITY: It feels like you have some experience/knowledge of law enforcement, because the cops talk and act like cops. Details like the type of weapons/equipment/helicopters make the script more realistic and believable.”
"It's basically astral plane Die Hard... (Your logline) immediately stood out to me, which means we’re already off to a good start. I feel like from the logline I know what movie I’m getting into, and I’m also curious about it. How will this person use their “out of body” self to save the day? Let’s find out!
The scene where we realize that Trent is a “spirit” is done really well. The way you’re playing with the audience's expectations is fun and surprising. I felt the surprise of learning Trent’s true nature along with Trent in a way that caught me off guard and made me really lean into the script. I can see this scene too, and I think visually you describe it very well.
Also, the scene after this is a great change of pace. Trent floating up into the clouds uncontrollably feels like the perfect “fun and games” type execution of this idea. It also does a good job of showing me the rules and showing me Trent figuring out what’s going on. A poorly written version of this would have a long info dump from some guru or something where we learn what’s happened and what the rules of this world are. Not here. We’re shown it quickly and simply.
Overall, the script is written pretty professionally. It seems like you have a good grip on character and voice. And I think the concept is interesting and the way you describe astral objects is vivid and cool. It really feels like a very trippy movie thrown into the middle of a heist flick. This might turn some people off, but for me personally, I found it interesting and inventive. It made me curious about who these people are, what they want, and how all this works. "
"Firstly, your formatting is really great. It makes everything very easy to read and makes it easy to keep up with exactly what's happening, and who it's happening to. Your scene setting, also, is very good, making it very easy to visualize everything that's happening. I appreciated the way that you kept careful track of all your set-pieces, and it was easy to distinguish plot devices from one another in order to keep the story straight. With a story that takes the reader on quite a wild ride, it was nice to have these staples to hold onto, like a proverbial lighthouse in an otherwise insurmountable storm.
Characters: Your characters mostly felt very diverse, in terms of strict behavior and who was who. There's a very rich cast, and while some writers tend to struggle with keeping all their ducks in a row, I feel like everyone got plenty of lines, and plenty of "screentime" in which to identify themselves and keep the story going. You can easily derive intent from your characters, as well, with each of them very clearly outlining who they are without stating it verbatim.
Plot: The plot itself is interesting, and it's cool to see something like "remote viewing" used as a detection technique. I always love a good detective story, and having a 'detective' with enhanced abilities, while well-trodden ground, is generally fun to explore, and leaves the reader/watcher waiting for more, to see the limitations of this hero.
Dialogue: Your dialogue is very perfunctory, which does a great job servicing the story, and allowing the action to breathe without being muddled by quasi-poetic phrases, and lilting monologues. Your characters say what they need to, WHEN they need to.
Themes: Thematically, I love the idea of a good chase story, especially when coupled with main character who has a solid reason to hunt down these many leads."
BREFNI O'ROURKE is a New York based screenwriter actively marketing all of his materials for possible sale or option. He is the author of more than 50 original feature-length spec screenplays, primarily within the action, suspense-thriller, and horror genres. The forthcoming "cinematic Brefniverse" includes:
"Wake", a psychological thriller, has been recognized as a semifinalist in the 2022 Creative World Awards. It was recognized as a quarterfinalist in the Final Draft/Big Break Contest (top 10% of entries) and the American Zoetrope contest. It has been awarded a Coverfly badge of being among the top 22% of discoverable projects.
"The Awning", a supernatural thriller, has been named a quarterfinalist in the 2023 WeScreenplay Feature contest. It was named a finalist in the 2022 Story Pros International Screenplay Contest and has been awarded a Coverfly badge of - Top 14% of discoverable projects.
"Descendancy", an action-thriller, was recognized as a Quarterfinalist in the Script Lab - TSL Free Screenplay Contest 2022 and has been awarded a Coverfly badge of - Top 18% of discoverable projects.
"Moving Day", a supernatural thriller, was recognized as a quarterfinalist in the 2015 Final Draft/Big Break Contest. It has been awarded a Coverfly badge of being among the top 34% of discoverable projects.
"Panopticon", an action-thriller, was selected as a "Notable Project" by Amazon Studios (one of only 50 projects recognized as such).
"God's Work", a supernatural action thriller was optioned by The Ferla Consulting Group.
"Threshold", a horror-thriller (cowritten with Elizabeth Rowin and Greg DeRochie) was optioned by Contribution Films. (http://www.contributionfilms.com/threshold.html).
“Smith Corona Blues”, an action thriller, was selected for Ken Mora’s Screenplay Theatre, “The Best Movies You’ll Ever Hear.”