******************The REVIEWS are in on The NITE LOOP*******************
“Concept: 5 out of 5, Theme: 5 out of 5; This is obviously a well-written script... Edgar Jade makes a big impact immediately... You have scenes that grab me... You also have the bleak tone of a Batman script... You are very talented at creating interesting venues... It's a great, dark concept... “
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“Plot: 4.5 out of 5, Concept 4.5 out of 5, Characters 4.5 out of 5; This hooked me immediately. I do confess at first, I thought there was a supernatural/horror element going on with the glowing bus. I thought the riders were trapped on the bus like lost souls or something. But it didn't stop being fascinating and interesting as I kept reading.
This definitely pulled me in right away. I could see and hear the images you portrayed.
The character introductions were well done - snapshots of these lost souls.
The CLERK gives some great exposition while being creepy and ominous. Well done.
Edgar's introduction is terrific. He's creepy, magnetic, and intriguing. Definitely going to be watching him.
Cassidy kind of creeps in, unnoticed at first, then becoming very significant. I wavered from thinking he was a shady character, to thinking he was a good guy...
It took a very unexpected dark turn... I do like that the women weren't just victims needing to be rescued. Jenna took matters into her own hands, and it made her much more appealing.
Satisfying ending... I didn't find a whole lot of weaknesses in this script. It was a solid and intriguing story that would make a great vehicle for some actors...
I was really enjoying this script. I think it's unusual enough that if it caught the right eye, it would make a great thriller.”
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“You've got a really cool neo-noir premise here with a lot of potential. The idea of a brother investigating his brother's disappearance is always good fodder. Throughout the script you do a good job of mythologizing the Merlin character so when we finally get the opportunity to meet him it's pretty exciting. Your side-by-side non-linear storytelling works for the most part and helps maintain nice pacing. -- The scene jumps between Deacon in the motel room and Deacon getting on the bus work really well.
The midpoint is well placed and unexpected! ...This imagery is so clear. I can see it on screen. well done!
Your dialogue feels natural, which is hard for most people...
...a great twist. I didn't see it coming at all... The (second twist) was even better. Nicely done! The vibe is there, and you have some interesting characters and ideas.”
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"The story starts out very stylistic, and the universe feels very elevated... It was playful, and fun, but without erasing any of the gritty crime drama. It felt a bit like a film noir in technicolor... characters genuinely seemed to have distinct voices..
...it maintains an eerie and unsettling quality that gives us touches of psychological thriller over something that has a definite flavor of noir, with distinctive character archetypes... The concept of a cult is an interesting one.”
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"The NITE LOOP is a suspenseful and atmospheric journey through the night on a transit bus, where a diverse group of passengers grapple with their pasts, present, and the mysterious forces that bind them. The story follows Deacon, a troubled man searching for his missing brother, as he becomes entangled in a dangerous world of crime, politics, and public transportation. As Deacon uncovers the truth behind his brother's disappearance, he must confront his own guilt and navigate a web of deceit and manipulation. The NITE LOOP is a thrilling ride that keeps the audience on the edge of their seat...
Standout Features:
Unique Hook: The enigmatic mastermind, Edgar Jade, who manipulates the characters' lives and the audience's perception of reality. Innovative Setting : The use of a bus as a central location and symbol of the characters' interconnected lives.
The screenplay for 'The NITE LOOP' is a well-crafted and engaging feature that effectively weaves together mystery, suspense, and character development... the screenplay's strong foundation, intriguing characters, and compelling narrative make it a recommended read.
This screenplay demonstrates a strong ability to create suspense and tension through its consistent tone, engaging dialogue, and vivid atmosphere descriptions. The characters are well-developed and the plot is compelling, with a strong emotional impact...
Strengths:
--Effective scene-by-scene storytelling with a consistent dark and mysterious tone
--Engaging dialogue and vivid atmosphere descriptions
--Intriguing characters and conflicts that keep the audience engaged
--High level of suspense and tension throughout the screenplay
--Well-developed plot with a compelling mystery and strong emotional impact
The screenplay's concept is consistently intriguing and unique, with a strong foundation in the Nite Loop bus and its enigmatic passengers. The exploration of hidden pasts, identity, and the search for missing loved ones adds depth and intrigue to the story. The use of alter egos, misdirection, and deception adds layers of complexity and depth to the narrative...
Strengths:
--The concept of a late-night bus journey through a dangerous city with diverse and mysterious characters is consistently intriguing and unique.
--The exploration of hidden pasts, identity, and the search for missing loved ones adds depth and intrigue to the story.
--The use of alter egos, misdirection, and deception adds layers of complexity and depth to the story.
--The screenplay effectively introduces and develops the central concept, creating a compelling and suspenseful narrative.
The plot of the screenplay is a strength, with an overall rating of 8.9. It is engaging and suspenseful, keeping the audience hooked and introducing multiple mysteries and conflicts... Overall, the plot effectively drives the story forward and creates anticipation for future developments.
Strengths:
--Engaging and suspenseful plot
--Well-paced and keeps the audience hooked
--Introduces multiple mysteries and conflicts
The characters in the screenplay are intriguing and well-developed, with clear motivations and conflicts. The interactions between the characters create tension and drive the plot forward."
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BREFNI O'ROURKE is a New York based screenwriter actively marketing all of his materials for possible sale or option. He is the author of more than 50 original feature-length spec screenplays, primarily within the action, suspense-thriller, and horror genres. The "cinematic Brefniverse" includes:
--"The Awning", a supernatural thriller, was a quarterfinalist in the 2023 WeScreenplay Feature contests. It was named a finalist in the 2022 Story Pros International Screenplay Contest and has been awarded a Coverfly badge of - Top 6% of discoverable projects. In March of 2023 it made the Red List as the # 8 ranked thriller screenplay.
--"Wake", a psychological thriller, was recognized as a semifinalist in the 2022 Creative World Awards. It was recognized as a quarterfinalist in the Final Draft/Big Break Contest (top 10% of entries) and the American Zoetrope contest. It has been awarded a Coverfly badge of being among the top 22% of discoverable projects.
--"Descendancy", an action-thriller, was recognized as a Quarterfinalist in the Script Lab - TSL Free Screenplay Contest 2022 and has been awarded a Coverfly badge of - Top 18% of discoverable projects.
--"Moving Day", a supernatural thriller, was recognized as a quarterfinalist in the 2015 Final Draft/Big Break Contest. It has been awarded a Coverfly badge of being among the top 34% of discoverable projects.
--"Panopticon", an action-thriller, was selected as a "Notable Project" by Amazon Studios (one of only 50 projects recognized as such).
--"God's Work", a supernatural action thriller was optioned by The Ferla Consulting Group.
--"Threshold", a horror-thriller (cowritten with Elizabeth Rowin and Greg DeRochie) was optioned by Contribution Films. (http://www.contributionfilms.com/threshold.html).
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