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HAT TRICK

A retired police officer goes to the current-day Army/Navy football game with his two wacky friends intending to jump onto the field and score a touchdown he should’ve scored decades ago when he fumbled during the same football classic as time ran out, only this time dozens of security guards await him, and it’ll be a friggin’ miracle if he succeeds.

Jim, Walter and Dustin would like to do something special to spruce up their lives in retirement. Each wants to accomplish something, hence the title, a hockey term for scoring three goals. Walter is impotent and he allows his buddies to think he has an audacious goal of having sex with a mystery woman. But he’s still emotionally attached to his deceased wife, so his goal is more bravado than real.

Dustin, who has a urinary stricture that causes problems when he urinates, simply wants to pee normally again. He finds a doctor who will operate on him, but not before driving his buddies crazy groveling and complaining about one thing or another relating to this ‘condition’.

The main thread of the story involves Jim’s goal. He wants to do the unthinkable. The impossible! Jim can’t forget a football blunder he made 30 years ago when he played for Navy and his team lost to Army because he fumbled on the one-yard line as time ran out. Although Jim knows he can’t turn back the clock, he wants to fortify his place in history by jumping onto the gridiron during a present day Army/Navy football event. His idiotic plan is fueled by his belief he can change his tarnished image for the better because he is going to do this naked. He thinks this adventure, somehow, will erase the memory of a mediocre player, if only in his own mind. Walter, who is totally against the idea, is sucked into Jim’s adventure and we find the three codgers driving to the game with the intention of running naked down the length of the football field with only jock straps on. Jim will carry a football under his arm while Walter and Dustin will run interference. That’s the plan, at least. None of them have any clue of the difficulty of getting onto the field and running past dozens of security guards. And even if they succeed in getting onto the field, the worst seemingly awaits Jim when he must face his grandson Ricky, who is the star offensive tackle on one of the competing teams.

In this poignant story, three grumps share their love, loyalty and comedic camaraderie that help them overcome larger-than-life obstacles. While taking this priceless journey, they show everyone on the way that growing old is a state of mind and can be a most enriching, wonderful time of life.

Script Excerpt Interviews
Written by:
Format:
Screenplay
Budget:
Low
Starring Roles For:
Robert Duvall
Dustin Hoffman
James Earl Jones
In the Vein Of:
Grumpy Old Men
Rudy
Three Musketeers
Posted:
08/19/2003
Updated:
04/04/2020
Author Bio:
Since retiring early in 1998, Robert has written 2 novels, 2 non-fiction books, 12 screenplays and 3 stage plays. His body of work has been recognized in over 300 festival, stage, book and screenplay competitions around the world (over 180 of those were finalist or better). The finalist or better placements include book, screen and stage play successes in Faulkner/Wisdom Creative Writing contest, Norumbego Fiction Award, Chesterfield, Writer's Network, Dana Awards, Frontiers in Writing, SFWP (Santa Fe), etc.

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Contest Results:
American Movie Awards (First Place) [2016]
Indie Gathering (First Place, drama/comedy) [2009]
The-GreenLight.com Monthly (First Place) [2009]
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