FAUSTIAN

“I thought that the formatting was good. Your white space was excellent. For the most part, your dialogue is succinct. Great job! Your scenes are tight. You seem to know your stuff on formatting. Your story has uniqueness.

The plunge into the pit was great. Knowing that this was a young man, I immediately suspected murder, like a poisoning.

Show More

“I thought that the formatting was good. Your white space was excellent. For the most part, your dialogue is succinct. Great job! Your scenes are tight. You seem to know your stuff on formatting. Your story has uniqueness.

The plunge into the pit was great. Knowing that this was a young man, I immediately suspected murder, like a poisoning. So that was rather gripping. I want to be captivated within the first 10 pages (preferably 5) ...

You have some good descriptions that take skill to accomplish... you have some mad skills... you have a good story and I liked it... I was rather surprised how you didn't mess around and just got to it. Your ability was impressive.

A million people can write, "I love you, you love me, that's the way it's meant to be" Gawd, boring! Don't write what a million people can write... Write what not even one in a million can write. It appears you have that ability.

The writer seems to have skills that few possess... I thought it was a good story and written rather well... Overall, a good read. “

************************************

"The script crafts a captivating narrative that interweaves the lives of diverse characters into a complex plot with supernatural underpinnings. The concept itself is intriguing, blending elements of mystery, thriller, and the supernatural to explore the consequences of desires and ambitions, potentially leading to Faustian bargains with dark forces.

The core concept is its strongest asset. It taps into the timeless theme of making deals with the devil, modernizing it within the context of celebrity culture and high-stakes intrigue. This concept naturally breeds suspense and moral ambiguity, inviting the audience to ponder the true cost of success and fame.

The characters are distinct and well-drawn, each with their unique backgrounds and motivations. Shinsuke Nomura, the violinist, serves as a fascinating entry point into the story, symbolizing the allure and danger of exceptional talent. The detective character embodies determination and obsession, providing a human counterpoint to the supernatural elements. The diversity in characters' professions and personalities adds depth to the narrative, ensuring a broad modern appeal.

The plot's strength lies in its suspenseful build-up and the interconnection of seemingly disparate characters through a central, ominous threat. The inclusion of a detective story arc adds a layer of investigation and urgency, pushing the narrative forward while deepening the mystery.

The dialogue is effective in distinguishing characters and conveying the script's thematic concerns. It balances exposition with character development, using conversations to reveal the complex web of relationships and the characters' psychological states. The dialogue also serves to heighten tension, especially in exchanges involving the stalker and his targets.

The exploration of themes such as ambition, morality, and the supernatural versus the human spirit enriches the story. The script thoughtfully engages with the idea of what individuals are willing to sacrifice for their desires, making it not only entertaining but also philosophically compelling."

****************

“The screenplay for 'FAUSTIAN' presents a compelling and engaging narrative with well-developed characters and a strong central conflict. The story effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the reader on the edge of their seat... Overall, 'FAUSTIAN' has the potential to be a successful feature-length film with its intriguing premise, memorable characters, and suspenseful plot.

The story has a unique blend of action, thriller, and sports genres, which could attract a wide audience. The characters are well-developed, and the plot is engaging, with plenty of twists and turns.

The story explores the dark side of fame and obsession, which could generate buzz and critical acclaim. The diverse cast and innovative ideas could also appeal to a broad audience.

The story features compelling characters and a gripping storyline, with relevant social themes and unique hooks. The major twists and distinctive settings could also generate interest and excitement.

The screenplay has an overall rating of 9.0, indicating its high quality and effectiveness in engaging the audience. The key strengths of the screenplay include its intense and thrilling moments, effective use of dialogue, and strong emotional impact... the screenplay is a compelling and captivating story that keeps the audience engaged and on the edge of their seats.

The concept in this screenplay is consistently strong, introducing unique and engaging elements such as interconnected storylines, personal and professional struggles, and a supernatural twist. The use of parallel storylines and mysterious characters creates intrigue and suspense, keeping the audience engaged. While there are areas for improvement, particularly in terms of clarity and pacing, the overall execution is well-executed, with notable examples of depth and originality throughout the screenplay.

The plot of the screenplay is well-structured and engaging, with multiple storylines that keep the audience invested in the story. The plot progresses significantly throughout the screenplay, with new revelations, conflicts, and twists that add complexity and suspense. The overall rating for the plot is 8.9, indicating a strong and compelling narrative.

The screenplay demonstrates a strong command of conflict dynamics, with consistently high conflict levels, a diverse range of internal and external conflicts, and effective use of tension and suspense...

Standout Features: --Unique Hook: The blend of action, thriller, and sports genres creates a unique and engaging storyline. --Plot Twist: The mysterious figure who seems to be orchestrating the events surrounding the celebrity deaths adds an element of intrigue and suspense. --Distinctive Settings: The multiple locations, including a concert hall, a racetrack, a football stadium, an auditorium, a police station, a radio studio, city streets, a bookstore, a church, a van, and a racetrack, create a diverse and dynamic visual landscape. --Innovative Ideas: The exploration of the cost of fame and the dangers of obsession adds depth and relevance to the story. --Unique Characters: The diverse cast of characters, including a violinist, a singer, an undercover agent, a football player, and a football coach, creates a rich and engaging narrative.”

**************************************************************************************************

BREFNI O'ROURKE is a New York based screenwriter and novelist. A former stand-up comedian, he is the author of more than 50 original feature-length spec screenplays, primarily within the action, suspense-thriller, and horror genres. The "cinematic Brefniverse" includes:  

"The Awning", a supernatural thriller, has been named a quarterfinalist in the 2023 WeScreenplay Feature contests.  It was named a finalist in the 2022 Story Pros International Screenplay Contest and has been awarded a Coverfly badge of - Top 6% of discoverable projects. In March of 2023 it made the Red List as the # 8 ranked thriller screenplay.  (The novel is now available on Amazon https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CD4ZKQDZ )

"Wake", a psychological thriller, was recognized as a semifinalist in the 2022 Creative World Awards. It was recognized as a quarterfinalist in the Final Draft/Big Break Contest (top 10% of entries) and the American Zoetrope contest. It has been awarded a Coverfly badge of being among the top 23% of discoverable projects.    

"Descendancy" was recognized as a Quarterfinalist in The Script Lab - Free Screenplay Contest 2022 and has been awarded a Coverfly badge of - Top 20% of discoverable projects.      

"Moving Day", a supernatural thriller, was recognized as a quarterfinalist in the 2015 Final Draft/Big Break Contest.  It has been awarded a Coverfly badge of being among the top 34% of discoverable projects.  

"Panopticon", an action-thriller, was selected as a "Notable Project" by Amazon Studios (one of only 50 projects recognized as such).   

"God's Work", a supernatural action thriller was optioned by The Ferla Consulting Group.    

"Threshold", a horror-thriller (Cowritten with Elizabeth Rowin and Greg DeRochie) was optioned by Contribution Films. (http://www.contributionfilms.com/threshold.html).   

Read his novels on Amazon Kindle! https://www.amazon.com/author/brefniorourke

Show Less