Parenting 101

Synopsis

After a family Christmas get-together, SCOTT (20s) asks his wife TINA (20s) whether they should have a baby. She’s not as enthused as he is, in part because they’ve only be married a couple of years and she’s eager to move into management at the hair salon where she works under BARB (who hates kids). Tina also worries that Scott is like a big child already, so are either of them actually responsible enough for parenthood? Broaching the subject with her parents, KIRA and JEREMIAH, proves a terrible idea because they immediately begin acting as if she’s pregnant already. Meanwhile, Scott’s father GAVIN is a spray-tanned middle-aged man-child with a hot young wife, and he is utterly freaked out by the idea of becoming a grandfather. Scott and Tina’s friends, LYNDA and LOGAN, aren’t much help when it comes to making a decision because they have a baby of their own, LYNDA JR., who appears to make their lives a daily nightmare.

In spite of their family and friends’ influence, and Tina getting that promotion she wanted, Scott and Tina decide to undertake a year-long experiment to determine whether they are ready and responsible enough. Being the organizational type, Scott plans everything out and suggests they start with a houseplant. It dies within days. Next, they buy a fish from a pet store run by animal-lover JESTIN. It also dies, because they both forget to feed it. Next, Jestin suggests a hamster but they’re nocturnal and the sound of the little critter running on its wheel or tearing around the house inside its hamster-ball keeps Scott and Tina up all night. Subsequently, when Scott accidentally leaves the front door open and “Tribble” rolls right out of the house under the wheels of a passing car, it’s bittersweet. Although Jestin’s angry that they killed a fish and a hamster, cash is king and he sends them home with a kitten, Simba. It makes their lives a living hell and they soon return the cat with scratches covering every visible part of their bodies.

Tina is now full of self-doubt about whether she’s capable of being a mom, so Scott suggests they abandon their year-long “Parenting 101” course. But Tina has decided she wants to see it through, so long as Scott accepts that they’ll only have a child when she is ready. He agrees and they arrange to babysit Lynda Jr. for an evening, while Lynda and Logan go out for dinner using Scott’s credit card. In reality, Lynda and Logan sit on their couch, with snacks, and watch the hilarity that is Scott and Tina babysitting via nanny-cam hidden in Lynda Jr’s car seat. By the time they pick-up their baby, Lynda and Logan can barely contain their laughter, while Scott and Tina are exhausted, covered in baby food, and stink of poop.

After a vacation to recharge, Scott pays another visit to foster care officer KELSI, who previously refused to “loan” them a baby for a weekend. Now, Scott wants to talk her into watching an older child. Kelsi still assumes it’s a terrible prank, but then she finds Tina in the waiting room with 6-year-old SIENA, who is blind. The little girl is happy to be their guinea pig for the weekend and the three of them have a magical time together, eating pizza, singing, and enjoying a slumber party. Confident after a couple of days with Siena, Scott and Tina try looking after TRENTON, his boss’ teenage son. It’s a little awkward but Trenton doesn’t die or scratch anyone, so they begin to think they’re ready for a child.

After a sleepless night for both of them, Scott and Tina realize they don’t want to have a baby, they want to adopt Siena. They rush to the orphanage and much to Siena’s (and Kelsi’s) surprise, they happily become parents.